Scene from Afar

Wait, what?

Real quick.

What?

Listen.

Wait, so you want to…

Shhh.

No way!

Yes. Seriously.

And then you’re gonna…

Hold on.

Wait what?

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Job Opening

Immediate opening for the following job in which few, if any, will understand. The successful candidate will be from another planet and must have the following:

MINIMUM QUALIFICATIONS

  • Demonstrated success translating research results into actionable recommendations that have a traceable impact on product or design strategy and execution.
  • Extremely strong communication skills and demonstrated success presenting research study results in a clear and compelling manner to cross-functional stakeholders that persuades action.
  • Razor sharp attention to detail, highly organized, ability to accurately set and consistently meet commitments.
  • Minimum of 5 years experience leading design research activities within a product development organization or in support of a large website.
  • Experience utilizing qualitative analysis techniques (e.g., content analysis, affinity modeling) and quantitative analysis (e.g., cluster analysis, descriptive and inferential statistics) to explore, understand, and establish relationships between discrete data points.
  • Experience conducting research throughout the product development cycle of successfully launched consumer web and/or software applications, including up-front discovery, concept generation and exploration, and various forms of design evaluations.
  • Advanced degree in Cognitive or Experimental/Social Psychology, Cognitive Science, Human Factors/HCI, Anthropology, Design, or related area.
  • Experience in quantitative research and analysis and experimental design a plus.
  • ¬†Yeah right. 

Married with Cynicism

You’ll do anything to get out of the house. Anything. No, it’s o.k., I’ll go. Yeah, but we don’t need any. It’s o.k. really, I don’t mind. Yeah, but we don’t even have a ferret.

You live in a house with a wife and three daughters, all with long hair. You’re basically bald (except for your ears and nose). And yet, curiously, your hair is the only hair that falls on the bathroom floor.

You’re forgetful, you never listen, and you did it.

And even though you don’t do anything around the house, no one else is capable of taking out the garbage, letting the dog out, or cleaning the cat box.